You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When...

• You lick your coffeepot clean. 
• You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
• You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
• You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
• Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.
• You don't get mad, you get steamed.
• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. 
• You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.