EphesiansFour12 in Words

Global Leadership Summit Highlights 2014

Once again the Global Leadership Summit lives up to its reputation of being a premier leadership event, delivering world class leaders from the church, business, government and non-profit organisations.  This is my 10th GLS and as in previous years I have come away inspired, encouraged and challenged to 'lead with all diligence' in my leadership context.  

Below are some highlights and key learnings that spoke into my leadership journey over the past two days:

Bill Hybels -- Hard-Fought Leadership Lessons

Founder and Senior Pastor, Willow Creek Community Church

"We need to be as passionate about the spirit of our people as we are about the vision."

"The kindest form of management is the truth."

"Don't get too addicted to vision achievement that people feel like equipment."

"Find and develop leaders with a legacy mindset.  Legacy leaders pay the price to fix a broken culture."

Susan Cain -- Quiet: Challenging the Extrovert Ideal

Best Selling Author, Viral TED Speaker on The Power of Introverts

"If we want people to be at their best we need to create an environment where they can receive the right amount of stimulation."

"Stop the madness of constant group work...create a hybrid of self and group work to get the best of creative thinking and ideas and stop the conformity of opinions."

Joseph Grenny -- Mastering the Art of Crucial Conversations

Co-Founder, VitalSmarts; Social Scientist for Business Performance

"When conversations turn from casual to crucial you and I tend to do your worst."

"You will either talk it out or you will act it out."

"We often believe the myth that we have to choose between telling the truth or keeping a friend."

"Crucial conversations held well can become a trust building accelerant."

"Candor is never the problem - it is the intent not the content that creates defensiveness."

Patrick Lencioni -- The Most Dangerous Mistakes Leaders Make

Founder of The Table Group, Business Speaker and Best Selling Author

"Reason to be a leader - to sacrifice yourself for the well-being of others, even before you know whether there will be a return on your investment."

Don Flow -- A Grander Vision

Chairman and CEO, Flow Companies Inc.

"Love is what should animate Christian Leaders."

"A part of being created in the image of God is being able to imagine the future."

Wilfredo De Jesus -- A Grander Vision

Senior Pastor, New Life Covenant Church; TIME's 100 Most Influential People 2013

"You cannot let your budget dictate your faith."

"Once the moral condition of your community has been revealed to you you must move to action."

"What is sacred is the message not the method."

"If you are not going to do anything about the answer, don't ask."

"With revelation comes responsibility."

Ivan Satyavrata -- The Power Paradox

Senior Pastor, Assembly of God Church, Kolkata, India

Introductory comment to Bill Hybels, "Thank you for allowing God's whisper to grow to a crescendo so that the world can hear God's voice."

"A leader's power lies in her ability to influence people."

"How do we apply the power paradox to the injustice and evil in our world?  We use the kingdom power at our disposal to confront evil and challenge its structures.  On the other hand we are patient and resolute."

"The power paradox enables me to surrender to God the enigma of unconquered evil."

"Power paradox leaders are level 5 leaders who combine humility with fierce resolve."

Carly Fiorina -- Defining Leadership

Best Selling Author; Political Commentator; Business Strategy Expert

"Bureaucracy crushes the potential of people inside them and the people they intend to serve."

"The highest calling of leadership is to unlock the potential in others."

"Management is the production of acceptable results in known constraints and conditions.  Leadership is about changing those conditions."

Jeffrey Immelt -- Positioning Your Organisation for the Future

President and CEO, General Electric

"It is the horizontal strength that keeps teams together."

"Be around a crisis early in your career, because you can tell a lot about a leader when times are tough."

"In volatile times the best leaders go forward."

Louie Giglio -- Take the Step

Pastor, Passion City Church; Founder of the Passion Movement

"You don't have to know everything to get up the mountain to take the first step."

"The stakes are too high for us to die with a small vision."

"A leader has to be committed to the finish line."

Correction = Rethink Your Direction

As a child growing up in a home with clear boundaries, my brother and I would often be corrected for attitudes or behaviours that violated those boundaries.  While we rarely enjoyed being pulled into line, we understood that our parents correction was an expression of love that came from a desire for our lives to reflect the values of our home.

As a father with teenagers in the house I now understand the tension between giving and receiving correction when strong personalities and opinions clash with parental expectations.  Yet, despite the inevitable conflict that arises, our children are secure in the knowledge that we want them to make wise choices for the direction of their lives.

As a student studying at a higher education level the work I submit is subject to correction by my lecturers.  Their comments and marks are designed to assess my comprehension of the subject matter and to provide me with feedback to help raise the standard of my work.

As a Christian who has committed my life to Jesus Christ and who has a desire to develop a godly character and pursue God's purposes for my life, I accept that "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

However, correction from any source of authority has become increasingly unpopular in a post-modern society, bringing into question forms of absolutes that attempt to guide or govern human behaviour.  From this standpoint correction is interpreted as a judgmental or prejudiced perspective that heightens a feeling of inadequacy or rejection.

Clearly there are people in society that do not have our best interests at heart and a high degree of discernment ought to be exercised when responding to the motive and method of correction.

Alternatively, when correction comes from a place of relationship where there is a foundation of trust it offers an opportunity for personal development and growth.  It invites us to reevaluate where we are and to reposition ourselves to where we should be.  In order to receive correction from this positive point of view we must be prepared to accept the source of authority from which the correction comes.  When my children accept my authority as a parent they are more likely to accept the correction that comes from my discipline.  When I accept the authority of the training institution where I study I will receive and apply the correction that is given by my lecturers.  When we accept the authority of Scripture we are more open to embrace God's correction of attitudes and behaviours that are out of alignment with His pattern and purpose for humankind.

Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey what I command.  And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you for ever - the Spirit of truth.  The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him.  But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you...But when he, the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth" (John 14:15-17, 15:13).

Correction = Rethink Your Direction

Thank you to Andrew McKerrow for the inspiration for this post through his cartoon from https://www.facebook.com/thinkupwards.  See more of Andrew's cartoons at http://www.pinterest.com/andrewmckerrow/cartoons-by-mckerrow/

Leadership Masterclass with Bill Hybels

Today I had the exciting opportunity to meet and sit under the ministry of Bill Hybels at a Leadership Masterclass in Melbourne.  Bill has been one of my closest mentors for the past 11 years, even though I have never met him in person until today.  It has been through the Willow Creek Association that I have been able to engage with Bill's leadership and teaching, which has enabled me to really get to know him and feel as though he knows me, as he openly shares his leadership journey and the Holy Spirit connects his with mine.

I am immeasurably grateful for the privilege of attending the Willow Creek Leadership Summit in Chicago in 2003 and the opportunity to share this experience with my leadership team locally every year since through the Global Leadership Summit.  The Summit was the catalyst for a life changing leadership journey that has exposed me to world class leaders from a church, business and political context; some of whom have also become a part of my network of leadership mentors - John Maxwell, Patrick Lencioni, Andy Stanley, Erwin McManus, Jim Collins, Wayne Cordeiro, to name a few.

The Leadership Masterclass with Bill Hybels was a Q&A format with a gathering of 110 church leaders from around Melbourne covering a wide range of leadership topics as questions arose.  Below is a selection of some insights that I was able to takeaway from today's session with Bill:

• Leaders fundamentally have to believe that with their giftedness and the power of the Holy Spirit that they can move the "needle" [referring to the needle on gauge from empty to full].
• Nothing significant in your church will change unless the senior leader's heart is changed.  The senior leader needs to be passionate about the issue.
• There has to be someone else on the team who owns the ongoing responsibility to keep the momentum going.
• Senior leaders need to mix up their rooms so younger leaders have their ear more regularly.
• It is our job as senior leaders to provide as many opportunities as we can for younger leaders to play at a higher level in the game.
• One of the best weapons in the arsenal of a senior leader is to have some short term projects to assign to aspiring leaders to test their readiness for longer term leadership responsibilities.
• You owe them [younger leaders] real time coaching that will keep them on a track to success.
• Anybody who has ever helped you build something in the church you have to honour them.
• Remind people working in the marketplace how fortunate they are to be ministering alongside unchurched people.  Commission them to pastor or minister where they are in their work place.
• How many people care as much as you do that there are empty seats in your church?  Who is helping you to fill those seats?  [Bill shared his vision for section pastors in the church to plant micro Acts 2 communities in each section of the auditorium - more to be said in another blog...]
• We decided we were done being content with the current level of giving in our church and engaged with more intentional teaching about stewardship.
• "Winds of the Spirit" fund - set aside % of offerings to form a reserve to bless ministry opportunities that arise outside of the budget, without the red tape.
• Bill has multiple mentors for different areas of his life.  The idea that one mentor will meet all your needs is naive.

 

Adopting A Posture Of Learning

After 17 years of full time ministry one of the things I still get excited about is the continual pathway of learning that is expanding my heart and mind with new paradigms of thinking while stretching me with new experiences as I integrate what I learn into my leadership and ministry.

In my current unit of study I read a quote, in the context of language and cross-cultural witness, that aptly describes Christian discipleship:

"Christianity is so well demonstrated by those who take a learning posture." - Charles H. Kraft

A disciple is postured as a life-long learner

A disciple is submitted to the teaching of Holy Spirit

A disciple is committed to becoming like Jesus Christ

A disciple is determined to pursue the will of God

By adopting a posture of learning we engage in a journey of transformation and growth that not only changes us, but changes others when our learning becomes a shared experience.  I had a leader from my previous church once say to me mid semester, "We get the best of both worlds.  We get to learn from what you are studying without having to do all the reading!"  This was a real time affirmation that my posture of learning is about way more than earning a degree, but about making disciples and developing leaders.  In fact, my posture of learning is putting skin on my leadership platform - "to equip the people of God to do the work of the ministry to build up the body of Christ" (Ephesians 4:12).

John Maxwell teaches why a posture of learning is so important, “Your leadership, if it is not continually growing, can be a lid to the potential of your people. Why? Because you teach what you know, but you reproduce what you are. You can’t give people what you do not have. If you want to increase the potential of your team, you need to keep growing yourself.”  

How much more is this true for making disciples and growing the church?!

Our Top 10 Marriage Principles

Today, I celebrated 21 years of marriage to Vanessa and have much cause to give thanks to God for an extraordinary journey of life and love with the person I promised to "love, comfort, honour and sustain...forsaking all others, [and] be faithful to as long as [we] both shall live."

It is easy to recite these words in a moment during a wedding ceremony but much harder to live them out for a lifetime throughout a marriage.  Our marriage has had moments when we have been far from loving towards each other, times when our words have not been very honouring and occasions when our resources or priorities have been barely sustaining.  Yet, despite these challenging times, somehow, the commitment we made to each other 21 years ago has kept us faithful to these promises, forsaking anything and anyone that would threaten our relationship.

How is this possible in a time when there has been a seismic shift in attitude towards the pattern and permanence of marriage and in a culture where divorce rates are at an all time high?  

Twenty one years of marriage does not make us experts nor does it give us immunity to the challenges of an unknown future, but it has provided us with a real time laboratory to learn and apply some principles that have helped us along our journey.  While there is so much we have yet to discover and so much we still get wrong, maybe there is something from our journey so far that might empower another couple to go the distance.

So, for what it's worth, here are our top 10 relationship principles that have helped us in our marriage:

1. Divorce is not an option!

This is not a denial of reality or a judgement on divorce, but a conscious decision we made as we prepared to be married.  Maybe, we were young and naive, but taking divorce off the table before we encountered any real problems gave us two options when we did - sort it out or stay miserable!  It is crazy how much this simplistic determination has helped us to deal with some of the toughest of times.  When tempted to deny, blame or avoid, knowing that neither of us is going to walk away gives us the space and security to find a solution.

2. Never let the sun go down on your anger

This biblical wisdom from Ephesians 4:26 has protected us from allowing resentment and bitterness to infest our relationship.  When applied, it is impossible to stay angry!  That doesn't always mean disagreements are solved in a day, but it does mean that we can go to bed with the right attitude to work towards a resolution the next day.

3. Always admit when you are wrong and never be too proud to say sorry

I learned this lesson at high school when a year level coordinator I didn't care for much coached me into returning to the classroom to apologise for my behaviour in front of my peers.   This humbling experience has served me in every personal and professional relationship since.  As a husband, father and leader of a church, being willing to admit my mistakes and say sorry for my part in any conflict has been the single most powerful contributor to resolving relationship issues.

4. Set clear relationship boundaries

In our roles as church leaders we spend a lot of time interacting with people of the opposite sex, however, we never do this alone or without each others knowledge!  There is a vulnerability that exists when people with unmet physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual needs make a connection with someone who seems to understand them better than their partner.  We have seen way too many innocent relationships that start for all the right reasons cause irreparable damage to marriages because they develop for all the wrong reasons. 

5. Trust your partners instincts

As a guy who values relationships with other people and enjoys open and friendly conversation, I am often clueless to signs of 'over friendly' or flirtatious behavour.  I used to dismiss my wife's radar as insecurity, however, her instincts have proven to be more right than wrong.  And even, on the rare occasion, she is wrong, why would I want to interact with another woman in a way that risks eroding the foundation of trust in our relationship?  This is one place where "forsaking all others" should not be ignored.

6. Schedule time with each other

We seem to be living in an increasingly time poor society, where there are so many demands on our time.  Our children, busy schedules, driven natures and mission focus has taught us the hard way that we need to be very intentional about scheduling time to nurture our relationship with each other.  This may sound a bit clinical, but we have discovered that unless we plan to do something as simple as going out for a coffee together or seeing a movie, it often doesn't happen.

7. Spend time alone

As much as spending time together is crucial for a marriage, it is as equally important to spend time alone or with friends doing the stuff you love.  I love cycling and photography, Vanessa loves scrap booking and shopping.  When we invest time in these activities our energy and tolerance levels are higher than when we don't.  It almost feels counter-intuitive in a marriage relationship, but when we look after ourselves we are far better equipped to look after each other.

8. Know what fills each others tank

Bringing the last two principles together, we have learned how important it is to discover what energises each other and to make sure that this input exceeds our output.  Pastor Wayne Cordeiro gave a powerful lesson at a Willow Creek Leadership Summit where he taught and illustrated this idea with a tank that needs to be constantly filled so it doesn't run empty by the things that drain it.  If we continually allow our tank to drain, without knowing what fills it, and run on empty long enough, we put ourselves at serious risk of being emotionally, physically or spiritually depleted, leaving nothing left for our marriage.

9. Have an aligned faith journey

As a Christian couple we have centred our marriage on Jesus Christ who is the foundation of our faith experience.  I have often drawn a simple triangle for other Christian couples (the same diagram could be applied to any faith perspective) putting a cross at the apex of the triangle to represent Jesus and each others name at the opposite corners of the base to illustrate the importance of having an aligned faith journey.  The distance between each other along the base of the triangle decreases when we are both focused on Jesus and are moving in the same direction closer towards Him on our faith journey.  If one of us goes off course, no matter how close the other may be moving towards Christ, the gap between each other increases.  For a marriage to remain centred on Jesus Christ, it is so important to grow together and stay aligned in our journey of faith.

10. Pray together!

There is a saying that asserts, "A family (couple) that prays together, stays together."  It is true!

What Is Your Church Full Of?

“More than churches full of people, God wants (and the world needs) people full of the Spirit.”  (Clark Pinnock, Flame of Love)

As a church leader I understand the want to see your church full of people.  Empty seats hardly inspire or compare to the thrill of a large crowd gathering for worship.  However, is there more to church than a crowd?  Is there a more important want and need for the local church than full seats? 

Churches full of people look great, but churches full of the Spirit are great!

The church growth movement has offered churches helpful strategies to make congregations more contemporary, outward focused and seeker sensitive.  Are good strategies without the Spirit enough?

Church governance has organised churches with systems and structures to effectively manage congregations to be efficient organisations.  Are good structures without the Spirit enough?

Church programs provide opportunities for churches to socially connect congregations with community through a variety of activities.  Are good social connections without the Spirit enough?

More than size, strategies, systems, structures and social connections, the people of God - who are the church - need to be full of the Spirit of God to be a powerful and positive influence in society.  When the people of God are full of the Spirit the growth and impact of the church cannot be contained, as evidenced at Pentecost when 3,000 people were added to the church that day!  

We can strive for growth or we can submit to the Spirit who provides the harvest.  Results will come through human effort, but REVIVAL will only come when the people are filled with the Spirit and there is a Holy Spirit anointing upon the church.

12 Months of EphesiansFour12

Today marks the 1st anniversary of blogging under the title of EphesiansFour12.  This has been an extraordinary journey fulfilling my Passion for the LORD, the LOST, LIFE and LEADERSHIP by sharing what God has been speaking into my life through his Spirit, Word, and other passionate leaders.  

Through this blog I have sought to compliment my calling as a Salvation Army Officer to "equip the people of God for the work of the ministry by building up the body of Christ" through written reflections that demonstrate passionate faith, holy living, inspiring leadership and Christ-centred mission.

Pursuing a passion for the LORD has taken me deep into God's Word, inviting Holy Spirit to "reveal great and unsearchable things I do not know" (Jeremiah 33:3).  It has challenged me to pursue holy living that reflects the character of Jesus and to engage in a passionate prayer life that connects with the heart of the Father.

Pursuing a passion for the LOST has broken my heart for the things that break God's heart.  It has ignited a fire within my spirit for the "Saved to Save" mission of The Salvation Army, fueled an intolerance for injustice and formed a holy discontent for mission that is devoid of good news or denies the power of Jesus Christ.

Pursuing a passion for LIFE has been a celebration of a physical and spiritual transformation that has brought into alignment a commitment to nurture a healthy body, mind and spirit.  It has allowed me to explore and explain the motivation that led and sustained me on the pathway towards life transformation and develop "The Cycle of Motivation" as a tool to empower others in their life journey.

Pursuing a passion for LEADERSHIP has been an exciting journey of discovery from a variety of leadership interactions with people of like mind and spirit.  It is a journey that has exposed me to the teaching of successful church, business and political leaders - both past and present, in person and from the pages of books.  It has taught me how to be an equipping and empowering leader.

What I have learned and shared over the past twelve months through EphesiansFour12 has awakened apostolic and prophetic gifts that have taken me to places as a leader I would have never imagined.  Therefore, I can't wait to experience what God has in store for the next twelve months as I continue to Pursue a Passion for the LORD, the LOST, LIFE and LEADERSHIP.

Thank you for sharing the journey!

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Culture Shift

I started reading the book "Culture Shift" by Robert Lewis and Wayne Cordeiro the other day, which is providing a helpful insight into church culture and a practical guide to "transforming [the] church from the inside out."

Right at the preface I was captured by the authors belief that "culture is to the church what a soul is to the human body."  In other words, as I interpret it, culture is a mirror into the soul of a church.  

I wonder if we spent more time cultivating a healthy soul than clothing the body with programs that make a church look good, whether we would begin to heal some of the internal sickness that inhibits the church from being a thriving organism.  Church activity that is the product of a healthy culture will always produce growth, but church activity that proceeds from an unhealthy culture will spread the sickness and cripple the body of Christ.

If the human soul reflects the core of who you are as a person, I wonder what reflection is cast by the culture of your church?  This is a challenging question that will require some soul searching by church leaders to stimulate the sort of culture shift necessary to restore the witness of the church to reflect the heart of Jesus Christ!

What's Your Blind Spot?

This week I participated in a leadership development program which was a week long intensive presenting insightful and practical leadership principles and resources.  This included a feedback process where data was collected and compared from a personal and key stakeholders survey to identify leadership strengths and areas for development.  The "Life Styles Inventory" feedback report revealed the gap between how I view myself as a leader and how those I work with experience me as a leader. While for the most part the results were affirming, aligning with my self evaluation, the survey highlighted a couple of areas where there was a misalignment between the two.  This misalignment between how I view myself and others experience me is called a 'blind spot'.

A 'blind spot' by very nature is something that we cannot see.  Life is filled with 'blind spots'.  There are 'blind spots' on the road that present a hazard to traffic.  'Blind spots' occur in business making corporations financially vulnerable in the marketplace. Relationships experience 'blind spots' resulting from or leading to a breakdown in communication.  Spiritually, 'blind spots' can lead to a crisis of faith and politically, 'blind spots' can cost governments an election.  When a 'blind spot' remains unidentified it can seriously derail what success looks like for you.

This week I was given the gift of open and honest feedback that revealed my 'blind spots' as a leader.

Do you know your 'blind spots'?  The irony of this question is that unless you have received similar feedback, then the chances are you don't, otherwise it would hardly be a 'blind spot'.  Feedback can be confronting and evoke a feeling of vulnerability, but it is my firm conviction that feedback is essential to our growth and development.  For years I prided myself on my self awareness, but it is what I don't see that has the potential to cause me and those in my sphere of influence the most damage.

Discovering your 'blind spots' can be the difference between success and failure in your leadership roles, relationships, spiritual journey, career or any other significant arena of life.  Discovering your 'blind spots' takes humility and courage to hear what you don't want to hear.  Discovering your 'blind spots' opens an opportunity to realise your full potential by providing a platform for personal growth.

"When you can truly understand how others experience your behavior, without defending or judging, you then have the ability to produce a breakthrough in your leadership and team."  (Loretta Malandro)

Train A Child In His Ways

Tonight, as we celebrated Rebekah and Adam's graduation from primary school (year 7 in South Australia), we were filled with pride at the way our children have grown into extraordinary young people.  Their vibrant personality, positive attitude, keen social conscience, depth of spirituality and eagerness to learn are just some of the qualities that evoke such pride and joy.  

As parents of twins (hard to believe given the height diffence now) we knew we were blessed with two incredible gifts from God from the day they were born and have seen that blessing manifested through every stage of their lives. I can honestly say that parenting has been an absolute joy, despite the challenges, as we have done our best to nurture and raise what has been entrusted to our care.  Every night we pray the same prayer with our children:  That God would "protect them from harm and help them to continue to grow and develop in body, mind and spirit."  This is our earnest desire as we seek God for their physical, mental and spiritual well-being.  While it is our parental responsibility to create the right environment and opportunities for growth, only God can make them grow.  Therefore, we look upon their growth and development to this point in their lives with awe and wonder, given our limitations as fallible human beings, and with gratitude for God's wisdom and grace.

To be frank, there is a part of me that is scared to death about High School and their teenage years, yet there is another part of me that has confidence in a faithful God who has brought us this far.  I have no idea what the future holds for Rebekah and Adam, but I continue to pray that the values upon which they have been raised will provide a solid foundation for the choices they make for their lives.  As their dominant influence shifts from their parents to their peers, we pray that they will hold fast to the faith they possess and allow the Spirit of God to guide and empower them "to continue to grow and develop in body, mind and spirit."  As for us, we hold fast to God's promise in Scripture that if we "Train up a child in the way he [she] should go: and when he [she] is old, he [she] will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, KJV)

Divine Moments

"When we choose to seize divine moments, we create an environment where others are unleashed to fulfill their God-given potential."  Erwin McManus, Chasing Daylight

Throughout my leadership journey I have been presented with numerous divine moments that have had the potential to have a profound impact on my own life and the lives of those I lead.  When I've embraced those moments that potential has translated into a life changing reality, however, when I have missed those moments, opportunities for growth are lost.

God has placed an unquenchable passion upon my heart to "equip the people of God for the work of the ministry to build up the body of Christ."  Therefore, it stands to reason that God will unleash divine moments to enable me to embrace those opportunities to create an environment to fulfil this passion.

There is an extraordinary privilege that comes with leadership to help people realise their God-given potential through recognising and participating in their own divine moments.

Who Are You Listening To?

As I engage in a variety of coaching, mentoring and pastoral relationships I observe a concerning pattern in how people navigate through challenging life issues.  When life gets tough there is a tendency to take the path of least resistance by withdrawing from people who will confront and gravitating towards people who will comfort.  In other words, we look for people who will tell us what we want to hear rather than those who will tell us what we need to hear!  This is a pattern that I see manifested in almost every area of life:

A couple going through a marriage crisis withdraws from mutual friends who see both sides of the relationship and gravitates towards people who will affirm their respective points of view.

A Christian who is struggling with faith withdraws from the fellowship of the Church and gravitates towards people who offer a more humanistic worldview.

A leader overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of leadership withdraws from positive networks and gravitates towards other disillusioned leaders.

While I don't pretend to understand the psychology of this pattern of behaviour, it is indicative of a 'fear of conflict' and 'avoidance of accountability' that seems so prevalent in our society.  This is not just an external observation, but one that comes from self-awareness of similar patterns I've wrestled with in my own life.  It is a strange paradox how human beings will withdraw from the very people who will contribute to our growth and gravitate towards people who will perpetuate our struggle.

In my discipleship and leadership journey I have learned the value of pursuing relationships with people who are further along their journey than me.  If I want to develop as a leader, then I need to align myself with leaders who are more experienced than I am.  If I want to seek marriage advice, then I need to interact with couples who have a strong and healthy relationship.  If I want to grow spiritually, then I need to worship and fellowship with the body of Christ.  For these relationships to really impact my life there needs to be a level of vulnerability and accountability where I am not afraid to engage in tough conversations and hear the things I don't want to hear.  It has been my experience that this is usually the point where people disengage.

We all like to be comforted during challenging times, but it is the willingness to engage in the conflict, in the context of accountable relationships, that we will grow through these challenges.