Art Of Conversation

Isn't it interesting that we live in a time when communication couldn't be easier or more accessible through the medium of smart phones, social networks, email, Skype and other forms of technology, yet actual face-to-face conversation seems to be a diminishing art form?

In my leadership and ministry role, I get to converse with a variety of people from diverse backgrounds and I have noticed four types of people who engage in conversations...

1. Those who aren't fully there
2. Those who over share
3. Those who constantly compare
4. Those who don't care

As I observe and engage in all sorts of conversations I have also noticed some conversation killers common to these four groups of people.  These observations are not only of others but of myself, as I am a passionate, talkative and opinionated person who is often guilty of perpetrating these conversation killers in my own conversations!   

What are they, you may ask?  

Let me answer by offering six conversation cultivators that seek to remove the conversation killers and restore the art of conversation...

1. TUNE IN - Be fully present in your conversations.  Put your phone away, remove distactions and look people in the eye when you talk to them.  Let them know that they have your undivided attention.
2. TEST INTEREST - Give a snapshot or summary before telling the whole story.  Don't assume others will be as interested in a detailed account as you are.  Share enough information for them to want to hear more.
3. TAKE A BREATH - Provide escape routes.  There are a variety of reasons why a person may want or need to exit a conversation.  Also, give them a chance to engage in dialogue, not just listen to a monologue.
4. TALK LESS - Don't forget to listen!  Active listening often speaks louder than our words.  It says that you want to hear as much as you want to be heard.  It fosters mutual interest in each others stories.
5. TRANSLATE SIGNS - Observe body language and emotions.  It is said that communication is only 7% of the words we use and the rest is made up by our tone and non-verbal indicators.
6. TRY NOT TO COMPARE - Avoid counter-stories.  You may identify with a story or have a similar experience, but the quickest way to kill a conversation is to divert attention to yourself and risk making the conversation all about you.

Effective communication is essential to all relationships and face-to-face conversation remains the foundation to all human interaction.  Avoiding conversation killers will enable us to rediscover and restore the art of conversation.

Start Strong, Finish Well

At the beginning of this year I set out to Prove It that I was serious about my new year resolutions.  These included some health and fitness goals to engage in regular and intense exercise, so I resolved to "start the year off strong, and let January set the tone for the rest of 2014."

Starting strong was easy for me as I embraced the warm weather, slower pace of the summer break and a renewed enthusiasm for a new year.  However, along the way I allowed the reality of a busy life and a bad diet to sabotage my efforts resulting in a mid-year slump.  As the kilojoules I ate exceeded the kilometres I rode on my bike my waist line expanded and my new years goals diminished!  

Fortunately, I have not finished the year along this same trajectory.

A discontentment with the consequences of my loss of focus and a desire to correct my course of action stimulated a renewed motivation to end the year well.  Instead of writing off my new year resolutions as unrealised good intentions, I determined to make the necessary changes to turn them into reality...at least in part.  The results?  I could mention the number of kilograms I've lost or the number of kilometres I have ridden, but the real result is a restored confidence in my ability to work towards my goals irrespective of my failures or the barriers faced along the way. 

Here is what I've learned this year...

• Never totally lose sight of your goals
• Never allow your failures to overshadow your opportunities
• Never think it is too late to start again or resume where you left off
• Always remember life happens
• Always try again
• Always finish well

While a new year is an opportune time to set new goals, it is not the only time.  If I had waited until January 1st to try again, I would have entered the new year from a position of failure.  However, finishing well establishes a platform of success to dare to set even greater goals and to start strong!  You could say that my resolve to make and keep new year resolutions is stronger because of a restored confidence that comes from finishing well.

In 2015 resolve to start strong and determine to finish well.  Don't let your failures in between discourage you from embracing every opportunity throughout the year ahead!

Christmas - Magic, Myth or Miracle?

It is interesting to observe the cultural and religious sensitivities surrounding the variety of expressions of Christmas at this time of year - from shopping centres to social engagements, the nativity to mistletoe, Christmas lights to Christmas carols, Santa Claus to Jesus Christ.  From my observation, out of all of these Christmas customs, none seems to attract more controversy than the elevation of Santa Claus over Jesus Christ or vice versa.

For some, Christmas is centred around an overweight, jolly man in a red suit from the North Pole.

For others, Christmas is centred around a new born baby in a manger from Bethlehem.

From a cultural perspective, Santa represents the generosity and goodwill of humankind.

From a Christian perspective, Jesus represents the grace and glory of God.

Beyond the historical origins of St Nicholas, Santa Claus perpetuates the magic of Christmas.

Beyond the prophetic origins of Messiah, Jesus Christ personifies the miracle of Christmas.

To a secular mind, the joy of Christmas is found in receiving gifts from Santa.

To a spiritual mind, the joy of Christmas is found in receiving the gift of Jesus.

Santa Claus is a myth wrapped in a red suit given central place in community celebrations.

Jesus Christ is a miracle wrapped in swaddling given central place in Christian worship.

The North Pole has become a Christmas scene capturing the imagination of some.

The Nativity has become a Christmas story capturing the hearts of others.

Christmas movies seek to engender a spirit of belief in Father Christmas.

Christmas carols seek to express a spirit of praise for the Christ of Christmas.

It fascinates me that a sophisticated secular culture chooses an expression of Christmas that perpetuates a myth rather than an expression of Christmas that promotes a miracle.  It seems that flying reindeer, elves and a benevolent old man who visits every child on earth in a single night are more credible than an angel, a manger and a messianic child who came to earth as a part of God's salvation plan.  

It troubles me that segments of a Christian culture have allowed the magic and myth of Santa to hijack the miracle of the Christ child and to confuse the message of Christmas.  It seems that a cultural expectation of Christmas has become a higher priority for many Christians than a biblical experience of Christmas in their festivities and family engagements.

It challenges me to keep Christ central in every expression of Christmas from our church while engaging with our community so that Jesus may be elevated higher than any other cultural expression of Christmas.

Christmas, A Doorway...

 

Christmas is a season that captures many meanings and is celebrated through as many customs in the 21st century.  From the commercial to the spiritual, Christmas continues to open a doorway to a sense of joy and wonder for all who engage with this festive season.

 

At the centre of the commercial and cultural expressions of Christmas is a story that transcends our celebrations by opening a doorway to so much more...

 

 

Christmas is a doorway to a SERVANT

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered.  "May your word to me be fulfilled."  (Luke 1:38)

Mary was called by God and given a promise that would open a doorway for her to become a servant of His redemptive purpose for humankind.  Her calling to be the servant of the Most High found its fulfillment in two key factors - God's power and Mary's obedience.

Christmas is a doorway to a SON

"You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High."  (Luke 1:31-32)

The Christmas story opened a doorway to two sons.  A prophetic pathway was opened to John the Baptist to declare the coming of Jesus Christ and a redemptive pathway was opened through Jesus Christ to declare the coming of God's kingdom.

Christmas is a doorway to a SIGN

"This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  (Luke 1:12)

The baby lying in the manger was the doorway to a sign that fulfilled the long awaited prophesy of the coming Messiah.  God became one of us through the Christ Child who revealed the fullness of God in human flesh and was a symbol of hope for all humankind.

Christmas is a doorway to a SAVIOUR

"For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations."  (Luke 2:30-31)

Upon seeing Jesus in the temple Simeon's eyes were opened to the salvation of the Lord.  The Christmas story is the manifestation of God's salvation plan through Jesus Christ, opening a doorway to a Saviour for all who would believe that Jesus is Lord!

EphesiansFour12 in Words

4 Things You Can't Do...

Recently, we invited a personal trainer to our EQUIP night to talk to our leaders around the theme of 'pursuing a passion for life.'  While speaking about health and nutrition he quoted the well known saying in the fitness industry:

"You can't out-train a bad diet"

This saying resonated strongly with me as I am currently readjusting some lifestyle habits that have allowed bad diet to sabotage my exercise routine.  As a keen cyclist I have lulled myself into a false sense of security to think that the number of kilometres I ride each week will balance out some unhealthy eating habits that have crept back into my lifestyle.  The problem is the kilojoules have exceeded the kilometres and you don't need to be a fitness expert to figure out the consequences.

Interestingly enough, while out riding my bike, I have been thinking a lot about the broader application of the principle contained within this saying to other areas of life...

"You can't out-perform a wrong attitude"

Leadership involves many actions, which are all in vain if accompanied by a wrong attitude.  Our activity reflects what we do, but our attitude reflects who we are.  Both our actions and attitude need to be in harmony to have maximum impact and influence.  The defining difference between two organisations, businesses, employees or volunteers who perform similar actions, more often than not, is attitude.  According to John Maxwell, leadership author and coach, "A leader's attitude is caught by his or her followers more quickly than his or her actions." 

"You can't out-love a divided heart"

Jesus once said, "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other."  While the context of this wisdom is our relationship with money, it's truth applies to any relationship that requires total devotion of the heart.  Scripture commands us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind," and the marriage vows calls a couple to "forsake all others" and "be faithful...as long as you both shall live."  Whether it is the covenant between God and His people or husband and wife, no outward expression of love can compensate for a divided heart.

"You can't out-smart an undisciplined mind"

You have heard it said that "you are what you eat."  It is equally true that "you are what you think."  In an age of instant information and constant visual stimulation, our minds are daily bombarded by a smorgasbord of messages.  These messages are powerful and shape the way we see ourselves, each other and the world around us.  If we are not disciplined in what we choose to fill our minds, our thinking and behaviour will become captive to the dominant influences in our lives.  It is any wonder that the Apostle Paul wrote, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Are You Leaving Footprints Or Buttprints?

While listening to A Minute with John Maxwell this morning, I was reminded that leaders are 'action oriented people' leaving their footprints in the sands of time as they purposefully make things happen.  In contrast their are a lot of people who are sitting idle waiting for life to happen, leaving buttprints instead of footprints!  Maxwell asserted, "They're not going anywhere, they're not doing anything, they're not traveling, they're not helping, they're not people of action, they're just sitting on their butts waiting for life to happen to them."

Leaders have a 'bias towards action.'  They are people who create movement and build momentum in a team, forging indelible footprints that leave a lasting legacy for those who follow in their footsteps.  A leader's footprints are firm and easy to follow, they are determined and lead to a destination, and they are always pointing forward.

I would rather follow the footprints of someone making something happen than sit in the buttprint of someone waiting for something to happen!  Are you leaving footprints or buttprints in the sands of time?

Lest We Forget...

 
LEST WE FORGET…  the selflessness of those who put nation before person
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the service of those who left a career to join a cause
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the sacrifice of those who traded life for liberty
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the suffering of those who still carry the scars of war


 
LEST WE FORGET…  the selfishness of those who put their ideology before our common humanity
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the strategy of those who use fear to divide and conquer
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the silence of those who lack the courage to speak out against violence and oppression
 
LEST WE FORGET…  the stupidity of those who still believe that armed conflict is a pathway to peace

 
LEST WE FORGET…  the source of real peace and freedom for all humanity is found only in Jesus Christ!

Embracing Detours

When I set out on my bike ride tonight I had a clearly laid out plan in mind that would take me for a pleasant ride along the Peninsula Link Bike Trail about a third of the way into my planned route.  As I turned out of the traffic onto the much calmer bike path and headed into the serenity of Pines Reserve, I was confronted by road bunting blocking the trail, redirecting me back into busy traffic.  It would be fair to say that I was more than a little miffed!  

For a few kilometres into the forced change of route I nearly allowed the disappointment of an unplanned detour to overshadow the possibilities of unexpected discoveries.  Instead, the change of scenery presented another perspective that added a new dimension to my ride as I took in my new surroundings.  Embracing the detour enabled me to enjoy the journey while still reaching my original destination.

How often in life and leadership do we set out with a clearly marked out plan for the day, a new year or even a career path and encounter unwelcomed detours that take us off course?  Along the way we have a choice to resent and resist these detours seeing them as obstacles or to embrace and engage them as opportunities.  Keeping focused on your end goal allows you the flexibility to adjust course along the way and integrate detours as a part of the overall journey.  

Whether it be a bike ride or a leadership experience, it has most often been the detours that have presented me with the greatest learning and relational opportunities through the unexpected encounters along the way.

Unveiling The Gospel

Imagine being rescued from almost certain death by a good samaritan who was in the right place at the right time, coming to your aid when it really mattered.  Then, after an initial heart felt expression of gratitude, your rescuer becomes a forgotten memory as you embrace your second chance at life.

Imagine being saved from the bondage of sin through an encounter with the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ who demonstrated his love for you in all your brokenness.  Then, after a period of praise and thanksgiving, you live out your redeemed life without any reference to your Redeemer.

Imagine a church emerging out of a time of renewal when the Spirit of God brought revival to a community of believers in Jesus Christ.  Then, after witnessing to the power of God, the church continues to work in His name without mentioning His name or acknowledging His presence.

Unfortunately, in the words of the late John Lennon, "It's easy if you try."  

I don't have to look to hard across the church as a whole to see plenty of evidence of good deeds being done but I am straining my ears to hear very much evidence of good news being spoken.  While the later is incomplete without the former, the former is inconclusive without the later.  In other words, good deeds without good news may demonstrate the generosity of humanity but denies by omission the graciousness of God.  Paul describes this as "having a form of godliness but denying its power" (2 Timothy 3:5). 

God entered our broken humanity through the person of Jesus Christ and "demonstrated his love for us in this:  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).  All His miracles, signs and wonders were done for this single purpose - "that you [and I] may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing [we] may have life in his name" (John 20:31).

So, when Jesus said, "let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16) it is the good news behind the good deeds that needs to shine the brightest!  Otherwise, when the world sees our good deeds, all they will see is us, not Jesus.  We get all the glory, not our Father in heaven.  However, no matter how helpful our good deeds might be they cannot bring salvation on their own without the good news of Jesus Christ.

If you truly want your light to shine, you must unveil the gospel in your good deeds so that those you serve will "see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

"Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it." (Jeremiah 33:9)